“Should I back out or not?”
I couldn’t help but think this over and over again in my head. Talent portions have always been challenging. I was never consistent. My “dance steps” on performance day isn’t what I prepared and rehearsed for. My first talent portion number was an ethnic dance during Bb. Caloocan 2012 then during my Silka pageants, I danced to “Put your graffiti on me” and a traditional southern dance. Today, I did the mannequin dance or better known as “doll dance” to the song “A thousand years”. I have to admit it was very emotional.
During choreography making, I kept crying. I wanted to give up so badly. My knees were aching; my stomach wasn’t feeling good. It’d be a long list if I jotted everything down. I couldn’t take the pressure. I was over thinking because there were so many things on the line. They gave us the option to perform or not and it got to me. Backstage, I was shaking and I tell you, it’s the “LONGEST 3 MINUTES OF MY LIFE”. I was called last and the audience was so focused at me, I couldn’t hear a single thing. I was dancing then I realized I was going with the flow as if I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t performing because of the award or about me. I was on stage performing with all my heart because of a greater cause. The beauty of the piece was seen because it came from what I was feeling at the moment. I wanted to let everything out and just dance to the music. It isn’t because of the costume or props, it was through the expression and eyes.
I owe everything to my executive board and dear friends (I wish I can name you all) who called and ‘texted’ just to tell me “Good luck, Kristi. You can do it.” I don’t know where on Earth I got those negative auras but it was the worst feeling… ever! At the end of my performance, I cried. I am thankful of the good Lord for his overwhelming presence in my life especially during those moments. I felt him thru my loved ones. Finally, my supportive dear mom saw me perform and recorded the video. My handler took care of me, dressing me up gorgeously. Their efforts did not go to waste. I know whatever happens on June 8, I shall make them proud!
As I wrote this I realized a few things:
- Negativity and pulling one’s self down does not solve anything.
- Surround yourself with all the positive energy you can get.
- Don’t stress and take a break.
- Keep in mind of your goal.
- Release all your tensions.
- Three “S”—Sleep. Smile. Savor (the moment)
- And of course, you PRAY. It helps!